


Pull his hair and lift his robes while you're at it

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dating Advice from Blaise Zabini, M/M, just fucking pull his hair you huge dork, like that's gonna work, right blaise, to actually five yo Draco Malfoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-23
Updated: 2014-07-23
Packaged: 2018-02-10 04:04:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2010267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The title sums up a lot. Draco wants to get a rise out of Harry. Blaise just want it over with. Bad jokes are made, bad advice taken. It all works out, in the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pull his hair and lift his robes while you're at it

**Author's Note:**

> Un-beta-ed, and like the previous one... I just really wanted to see that.

-I could drop one of the Weasels' exploding gum in his cauldron during Potions.

No reaction came, beside a slight automatic hum from Blaise Zabini's throat, who was busy reading for his arithmancy paper and probably acted on pure habit by now.

Draco wasn't phased in the least and kept sucking on the end of his quill.

-Yeah, that'd probably make him furious. Snape would take... maybe twenty points from Gryffindor, and he's be soooo furious.

He allowed himself a few minutes to picture that moment. He knew they were supposed to make a potion against depression or something, and that'd probably have grand effects on Potter. At the very least, he'd be soaked in the stuff, and so very humiliated.

Draco had to concentrate not to giggle.

From his side of the library table, Blaise sighed.

-You know you could just pull his hair and lift his robes, right ?

At first, his remark was dismissed by Draco's very efficient stupid-o-filter, but then he reconsidered.

Pull Potter's hair and lift his robes ? That seemed a bit... petty. But that'd probably annoy the hell out of him, too, and would be much less complicated to do.

-You think that'd make him angry ?

Blaise dropped his head on the table with a gigantic « FTONK .»

-Yes, he groaned, that'd make him angry, probably. Can I please work without hearing more of your evil plans to get his attention ?

Draco straightened.

-I do not scheme to get his attention. I try to make his life a living hell, because I hate him.

-Right. Well, do that quietly and without asking for my input anymore.

The young Malfoy thus proceeded to stare at his own essay, trying to picture what would happen if he just pulled Potter's hair. Did he really want to stick his perfect, beautiful hands in this mess ? Then again, these locks were practically a provocation in themselves. If Potter really didn't want to be grabbed, then he shouldn't keep them that grabbable. Did he even cut it ? Ever ? Now that Draco thought about it, he saw very little variations in lenght of Potter's hair over the years. He never seemed to have a fresh cut. All the variety came from the weird shapes his hair had assumed during the night and would keep for the day. Not that Draco had put much attention to it.

Anyway. It really did look like a perfect handful. It looked thick and strong too, so Draco wouldn't even actually pull out anything, he thought, he'd just jerk Potter's head a bit and have a laugh at his face. Mmmh, maybe during History of Magic. Professor Binn never noticed anything, and he could sit riiight behind him and strike during the middle of the class, when he'd have started dozing off.

Sounded like a plan, alright.

Now, the robe lifting. That could just happen while walking past him in the corridors. Simple enough, didn't need any preparation. Well, the trick would be not to walk between Crabbe and Goyle, but a bit before them, and wait for the right opportunity, when Potter wouldn't be surrounded by Granger and the Weasel, but that could be managed.

Yes. Perfect plans to annoy the Boy Who Lived.

 

He was practically giggling with excitement. He had waited until he saw the three friends heading to Professor Binn's class, and rushed right after them to sit behind. Blaise had groaned, Granger had thrown him a suspicious look, and Weasley had outright glared at him, but he had refrained from showing any answering emotion.

Potter had frowned, but said nothing. He must have guessed something was up, though, because he seemed very tense for the first quarter of hour of the class. However, since nothing happened, he slowly relaxed, and it was a fascinating process to watch. His shoulder slumped a bit, he dropped his head on his fist, and then, ever so slowly, hunched forward and forward as he fell asleep.

Right before he fell completely on his table along with Weasley, Draco sprung on his feet, grabbed a fistful of this thick, glorious black hair, and pulled hard.

-OW ! Harry yelped, What the fuck ?

Draco could not contain his glee and grinned for all he was worth. Blaise, behind him, dramatically hit his head on his desk again, but Draco ignored him.

-Oh, sorry, I thought you were falling asleep. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't the case.

Potter glared at him with all the strength of his huge green eyes, now reduced to glinting slits, and Draco shifted on his seat with delight.

-Fuck you, Malfoy.

Draco grinned even harder.

-Why, no need to be rude. I was just concerned.

-Piss off.

Rubbing his head, Potter turned back to Professor Binn who had not reacted. Weasley was nearly foaming at the mouth in indignation, while Granger looked confused. Angry, but mostly confused. She stared at him the longest, and Draco did his best to direct her a despising look, but she finally turned back to her parchment too, and that was the end of things.

Well, Blaise was muttering in a frustrated tone, but Draco didn't really care about that.

It had been pleasant to pull Potter's hair. His hair wasn't greasy or dirty as he'd feared. It was clean, fresh and maybe even soft. It felt nice in his hand, and Potter had reacted wonderfully

He wanted to do it again.

 

His next move was a few days later. He had tried his best to speed things up, but to no avail.

And finally, on Sunday evening, just as he was getting into the Great Hall to have a snack, Potter and friends crossed his path, with Potter at arm's length.

Draco thought fast, and with a quick, graceful move of his arm, lifted Potter's robes in a flurry.

-My, my, Potter, are you really wearing these out of free will ? He commented as Harry stumbled and his robes fell down, I'd have thought you'd at least wear something that fits.

He scrunched up his nose in distate.

-Or that smell clean, at least. I'm very disappointed in you.

-What... Potter started, but Draco was already far away, humming to himself.

 

The episodes went on. Each time he could, he'd pull his hair again, lift most unceremoniously Potter's robes, and comment loudly each time. Potter seemed ready to kill him and never stopped staring his way. Weasley probably would have held him while Potter punched. The weird one, though, was Granger. She looked angry at first, and then annoyed, then amused, then annoyed again.

-Honestly, she exclaimed right after Draco, holding a stammering Harry's robes up, had loudly announced that he liked this color best so far, Honestly, could you be any less subtle and any more immature ?

Draco turned to her, quick as a snake.

-Why, Granger, I'm only trying to help Potter dress better, here.

Granger raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. Her gaze moved toward the spot where Blaise was, right behind Draco, and even though he couldn't see the exchange, Draco guessed something had been passed, as Granger started to smirk.

-Oh, well then, she said cryptically, that can't be helped.

Draco frowned, but said nothing had he finally released Potter and walked away briskly.

 

Draco honestly didn't expect what happened next. He was happily strutting around toward the Slytherin Common Room, perfectly alone in the corridor, when he suddenly felt his robes being lifted.

He turned, and Potter was here, when he certainly was not before, eyes glazing and one hand on his uplifted robes.

-Ooooh, so you're into really tight trousers, Malfoy ? I must say, I'm not really surprised.

Draco was so surprised he couldn't muster any worthwile answer.

-What the hell, Potter ?

-Just returning the favor.

Potter dramatically dropped his robes, and turned to get back to his own common room, presumably.

 

It seemed like a war had started. Potter tried to pull Draco's hair too, but it was much more difficult for him, because Draco was one head taller and had much shorter and tamer hair.

The robe-lifting was a never ending guerilla, though.

Granger mostly rolled her eyes at it, and even Blaise didn't want to be seen around Draco anymore. Weasley seemed amused by the whole thing, now, and thus nothing stopped Harry or Draco from trying to out-uplift eachother.

-Good grief, McGonagall exclaimed after separating them with a few charms, won't you ever grow up ?

-Or at least get a room ? somebody sniggered behind her, starting a wave of whistles and catcall that had both of them red until the tip of their ears.

-Malfoy started it, Potter grunted when McGonagall lifted the spell that had had him a few feet above ground.

-Mister Potter, I don't care who started it, but I can tell you it will end up with detention if you're not quite finished.

Draco grumbled something, Potter shuffled his feet while looking resolutely away.

-Am I being clear here ? McGonagall insisted.

-Yes, Ma'am, they finally conceded at the same time.

-Good.

She lowered her wand, to their great relief, nodded and went on her way. A few whistles and giggles made themselves heard, before the crowd dissipated in various directions.

Only Granger and Weasly remained.

-Honestly, you two need to sort things out. I've never seen such behavior since third grade, I'll have you know.

Draco scowled.

-What, exactly, is your point, Granger ?

-Oh, well, we all know what they say to little girls when a boy has been mean to them...

Weasley seemed half-chocking, half-laughing.

-I'm not sure I follow your Muggle way, Granger, Draco answered in his most aristocratic tone.

-Well, maybe since you're not a girl, you don't know what they say about boys pulling your pigtails and lifting your skirt.

-Yes, probably, Draco drawled in the same bored tone.

But Potter had straightened, blushed, and looked ready to run away should anything startle him. He looked at Granger with an appaled expression, before glancing back at Malfoy.

-Ah. I see Harry knows. Very well, I shall leave you to it. Come along, Ron.

Soon, Harry and Draco were alone in the hall, and Draco had his most confused expression.

-What was she on about ?

-Well, uh, is she right ?

Draco looked back at Harry, who seemed very unconfortable.

-Right about what ? What on earth do Muggles say ?

Harry bit his lips, an habit he had each time he really didn't want to talk about something, and shook his head.

-Nevermind.

And he ran away.

 

Draco did try to keep the hair and robe thing going, but he could tell Potter's heart wasn't in it anymore. He'd glare half a second, mutter « cut it out, Malfoy » and manage to get away one way or the other, leaving Draco feeling confused and strangely bereft.

Three weeks of these constant disappointments, and Draco couldn't take it anymore.

Sitting in the middle of the library, surrounded by Crabbe and Goyle with Zabini facing him, he dramatically threw his arms in the air.

-I just don't get it ! It was getting him all riled up, and now he's ignoring me again, just because of some stupid cryptic Granger comment !

Blaise looked at him like he wished he could throttle him.

-Okay so first, he's not ignoring you, and second, Hermione was just remarking on the obvious.

Draco's lip curled in distaste.

-« Hermione » ? Since when are you on first-name basis with Granger ?

-Not your problem. And as I said, and that was the important part of my speech, Potter isn't ignoring you, so stop throwing a fit.

-He is, though, and Draco couldn't deny the whinny tone of his tone, he isn't reacting at all.

Blaise sighed and looked helplessly around, seeming to hope an audience would help him or that maybe his mother would Apparate and drag him far away from Draco and his moping. No such thing happened, and he had to sigh a second time.

-He's quiet, not unreacting, and I'm really not spelling it for you. You're annoying and I don't see why I should ease your way in life. Deal with it.

-But...

-No. Shut up. Talk to him, or don't, but don't bother me again.

Draco pouted.

 

He guessed he had no other choice. He had to corner Potter and ask him what the fuck was going on and when would he be able to pester him normally again, thank you very much. If this went on nobody would remember their glorious hatred anymore. And that relationship was the stuff of legend.

It was hard to confront his arch-nemesis, though. Potter was more elusive than ever, and always surrounded by people. Granger, Weasley, Longbottom, Finnigan or just about anybody in Hogwarts. Really. How could he not have time for Draco ?

He tried to be subtle about wanting to have a talk for about three days. That was just about his patience limit line, and Blaise barely twitched a muscle when Draco finally stormed out of their Common Room on a grey Sunday afternoon. He was far too used to his antics for that.

Potter and friends were on the pitch, not really training but messing around on their broom. They took way too much time to notice him to Draco's taste, since he had time to sulkily sit down on a bench and glare all his might.

Potter and Weasley were the only one to land, though, gesturing to the rest of the team to just keep doing their thing.

Draco was fuming.

-Potter, I want to have a word with you, he demanded in his most aristocratic tone.

Weasley's eyes narrowed.

-Yeah ? What do you want with him ?

-I believe I just said so, Draco drawled, a word with him.

-What tells us you're not gonna pull some dirty prank on him again ?

Apparently, finding the hair and robe thing amusing didn't mean Weasley thought any higher of him.

-Well, I came alone, didn't I ? Draco pointed in a bored tone, like he didn't really care.

-You could still...

-It's fine, Harry cut in, We can have a talk.

-Brilliant, then could we please move where I don't have to see so much red in one place ?

Weasley looked like he would rather punch him right here and there, but Potter shrugged.

-Sure.

Still suspiciously staring, Weasley got on his broom again and slowly rose. Draco huffed at him, but Potter didn't even react to that. Instead, he lead the way near the Herbology greenhouses, that would hide them from the pitch and grant them some privacy.

Once there, he dramatically turned to Draco, finally looking at him.

-Okay, so what's your deal ?

Draco suddenly felt very angry and frustrated again.

-What do you mean, what's my deal ? What's your deal !

Potter's eyebrows flew up so hard they could have jumped in the air.

-I'm sorry ?

Draco started to gesture wildly in frustration.

-It was working fine ! You were getting angry and glary and all like usual and it was not bad, and then the M... Granger says a thing about Muggle stuff and you go all quiet and like I'm not there anymore. What the hell is going on with you ?

Potter managed to look even more surprised and confused, and if Draco didn't know he had a knack for these two stupid expressions, he'd be admiring the achievement.

-Uh, what ?

Except right now, Draco wanted to scream.

-How was I not clear right here ? I swear to god, Potter, you're a disgrace to the intelligent world !

Potter still didn't seem to settle between confusion and anger.

-You're upset because I'm not ?

-Yes, Draco sighed, something like that.

Definitely confused.

-Why ?

Draco widened his eyes as much as he could, staring into Potter's green ones.

-Did you forget ? I hate you. I want you to be upset all the time. That's the basis of hatred. Dimwit.

Harry looked at him with an unimpressed expression.

-You're not doing a very good job of it, then, he said dryly.

-Screw you, Potter. I was doing a very fine job of it until you messed it up.

That earned him a smirk. He couldn't believe that guy !

However, Potter looked down, and started kicking nervously at the ground, seeming to search his words.

-Sooo... You came here to tell me to be angry at you again.

-Yes.

-Why ?

-Merlin, Potter, you're an utter imbecile. I explained. I litterally said why.

-No, I mean... Oh, fuck it. You want to know what Muggles say ?

Draco supposed so, and shrugged in a « go on then » way.

-Right. Muggles say... to little girls. They say it to little girls.

-I fail to see your point so far, but you're not really being coherent so I can't be blamed.

-Stuff it, Malfoy. Muggles say to little girls that... when a boy is being mean, doing stuff like....

He glanced at Draco, who had his most bored expression firmly on.

-Pulling pigtails or lifting skirts...

Draco very carefully gave away nothing.

-It means that they like them. Like... like like.

Purely by reflex, Draco raised an eyebrow and commented « Very articulate, Potter », before the sense of the words hit him.

And he remembered the conversation that started it all.

His face must have showed something, because Potter was suddenly asking if he was feeling alright. Draco blinked once or twice, and suddenly exclaimed :

-That huge bastard !

And, in the huge Slythering tradition, ran away to his common room.

 

-You bloody wanker !

The words echoed through the green common room like thunder, and Blaise groaned.

-What is it now ?

-Did you know what you were doing when you suggested this to me ?

Blaise dropped all hope of studying his Arithmancy in the next forty minutes.

-Yes, I knew, he sighed.

-And you couldn't have told me what the implication were ? Now Potter and all his little friends think I'm... kind of... hitting on him... like... like a little muggle boy... oh Merlin, do you realize what you've done ?

Blaise stared at him like he was being especially ridiculous in his dramatics.

-I did nothing. You thought it was a good idea, so you went ahead. It was supposed to be a joke, you took it seriously, not my problem.

Draco glared.

-Don't you dare look at me like that, Blaise retorded, you dug your own grave. Just admit the facts as they are for once : you're obsessed with Potter, you want all his attention, even if you have to do stupid stuff for it, ergo, you have a huge crush on the guy. Get over it.

-There could be plenty of other explanations...

-Not in your case. All our house and maybe another quarter of Hogwarts know you want a piece of the Savior since year one. All our house know you spend two more hours fiddling with your hair and clothes each time you have a class with the guy. The oblivious act is getting old, Draco, so punch him or shag him or get over it, put us all out of our misery.

Draco really wanted to snark back, but he knew when he had to retreat.

 

He avoided Potter for one week. That was all he could manage before he was himself cornered by a very frustrated-looking Potter.

-So, are we going to finish our talk ?

-Were we not finished ?

Potter actually growled at him. Draco shivered. In a good way.

Fuck.

-No, we weren't, Potter continued, so do enlighten me.

-On what.

Potter glared, and glared. Draco managed not to break eye contact.

-Do you... like me ?

Potter looked away for the smallest second, before settling back in that unyielding gaze.

Draco bit his lips. He could lie. He could pretend he didn't know. A week ago, he didn't know. But now, he did know, and judging by Potter's actions...

-Maybe ?

Potter looked unimpressed at that answer.

Draco sighed and looked intently at the ceiling.

-Possibly ?

He was still not released from his corner, so he guessed it wasn't good enough.

He sighed even harder and glared back at Potter.

-Fine ! Yes ! Okay ? Yes. I like like you, as you eloquently put it, so can we please let this go and go back to hating each other now ?

Potter's dark expression didn't falter.

-No. I don't think we can.

Draco wanted to whine at that. Why the ever-loving hell not ?

Potter grabbed his chin and his brain stopped working altogether.

Now that he thought about it, Potter's dark expression looked rather hungry...

-I think I'm going to kiss your pointy face instead.

-Excuse me ? My face is not point-hmfff.

Well then.

Okay.

That worked.

 

-Will you two ever stop disgustingly snogging ?

-To snuggle maybe.

-Urgh. I liked it better when you were glaring daggers at each other.

-Whatever, Blaise.

 


End file.
